It’s time for me to fucking grow up…

): you can stop here if you don’t wanna read about me complaining. But for real I really need to grow up, as much as I love my friends and hanging out whatever we do like I need to stop. There’s so much more in the future and I’m really living in the moment and not thinking. I’ve fucked up enough in the past year and it sucks. And to be here knowing that I learned my lesson but, me still doing all the shit I do… It sucks. I know what I need to do and I’m not doing it ): idk what’s wrong with me! I just miss my old life I guess… When I went to school, went to practice, went home ate dinner, did some homework, and then just Xbox live it up. I didn’t really go out. I went out on the weekends but I never stayed out… If I was on my shit like I was back then I’d probably be getting into the nursing program next semester ): it’s sad thinking about because I now have to wait all this time to feel like I’m moving forward in life… I really learned something tonight and I hope you hear me and please help me. I feel like I’ve been cursed and that I’m just a beast. Help me find my way. I don’t want to be doing this shit anymore but it’s really really hard to stop. I feel like I’m making progress but it’s really not enough I need to actually try. Not just try for me but everyone who loves and cares for me because they’d be disappointed in everything that’s happened in my life the last year. I’ve lost my way but I’m really trying to find my way back. 3 to all of my brothers, homies, and friends you know I got love for you guys and I’m here when you need me always. Short and simple, I really need to grow up and change. Change in a good way, not just or me but for everyone who cares for me because where I am right now is not where I’m supposed to be. I’m hoping to find my way back and see the light at the end of the tunnel and get there. I know I told myself it would take time but, I need to get a move on or else who knows where I’ll end up. Pleaseeee help me find my way I know you’re there but please, give me the strength to pull through and guide the way.